seven to eight

cranquis:

jayparkinsonmd:

Just 11% say they consider themselves “rich” — and 45% agree that “my income probably qualifies me as rich, but I have so many debts and expenses that I don’t feel rich.”

And here’s a really excellent comment:

With regard to the compensation bit, it is important to recognize that the student loan burden is enormous. Not only are you carrying over the loans from college, but your loans from medical school, and all of these tend to be held in limbo (“forbearance”) where they continue to earn interest that is capitalized/principalized, because during residency and fellowship (3-6 years beyond medical school graduation for medical specialists and 5-9 years beyond medical school graduation for surgical specialists) you’re making only $50K or $60K a year for your 80 hours a week work.

But I think one of the hardest bits is that during your school and training there’s never enough money to set aside, and certainly no 401(k) or pension, for retirement savings. So many of us start our “financial adulthood” in our 30s or even early 40s with a huge hole to fill - the need to save for retirement, to pay off the student loans, and at the same time, the need to start living like an adult (kids, house, non-disposable furniture, reliable transportation). And you start to get tired. When you’re 20-something or even in your early 30s, you can do the up-all-night/up-all-day thing, but when you’re in your early or mid 40s, it just gets really hard.

Yep, I agree.

"don’t leave
‘cause I believe
we were meant to sleep
in the dirt"

“In the Dirt”, S. Carey

dream #3

I dreamt about you last night. A comfortable couch in a house in the mountains or hills somewhere, and we kissed, and smiled, and that is all I remember from this fading scene.

down the well

This is sabotage. That you contort me into terrible shapes, that shadow your own form, and then call me monstrous. That you show me candid photos of perfect sons and daughters and in that moment they are wanted and yearned after and I have none of that. I will retreat into ugly folds of stale bedblankets, crumbling up my stomach and shirking the dance.

This is sabotage.

I have fallen prey to the anonymity of an online persona. It predominates me.

"So long my misery
I don’t need you
you’ve only caused me grief
forgive me if I fall asleep
I haven’t slept in centuries"

“So Long Sweet Misery”, Brett Dennan

Waiting

I have been told twice in two days to wait. And I have dispensed this advice countless times in the past months. I must decide whether or not to be a hypocrite.

I think the worst thing is imagining how much longer one will have to wait until it arrives. Could it be days, months, years? It is alright if you know that it will arrive in the post in 7-10 working days. Much worse if it could arrive in any shape or form, at any time, or perhaps never come at all.

And when it is there for you, will it be, forever, what you imagined it to be? Was it worth the wait?

your message made me smile when I woke up

Thinking of you. Fireflies. Hell yes.